i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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