All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
