We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
