he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
