you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
