I must be too annoying 4 u.
White coat. Heels.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
