Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
