So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
