so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
