She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Randomize
