you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
