She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
