Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
