she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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