All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
