I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
