She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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