I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
