Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
