my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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