Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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