I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
40s are totally the cure
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
