If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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