My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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