Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
