i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
