Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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