so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
