How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
