two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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