I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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