Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
