As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
