He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
