I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
