taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Did we literally take a cab across the street
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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