My sheets look like a crime scene.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
