Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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