it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
