Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
