I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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