he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
