wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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