So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
