Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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