I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
