youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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