cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
