I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
