my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
